Enough for Today

I woke up grateful this morning. I slept well. I went to sleep early last night, although I did get up briefly to feed Huey his evening meal and let him out. Then, I went back to bed and slept another nine hours. Soundly.

It’s a big deal when my anxiety eases enough for a good night’s sleep. And yet, I anticipated that good night’s sleep.

The coup attempt at the Capitol has brought out the worst in me. I wasn’t there.  I don’t watch television. I get my news from my cell phone. That didn’t distance me far enough to stop my anger. It didn’t stop me from crying in frustration during a conversation. It didn’t take away my embarrassment. It brewed, sat inside of me, and came out awkwardly.

And I know that anger is a sin, even when not acted upon, even had it stayed fully within my thoughts. That anger has weighed heavily on my conscience. And so I sought absolution, and with the sacrament of reconciliation, a measure of grace to help me keep my commitment to not return to anger.  And so I slept well.

This morning, I gave thanks.

“Thank you, Lord, for forgiveness and grace.”

“Remember, Jill, you always have grace sufficient to the day, you need but ask.”

“Sufficient to the day??? I’ve heard that in your book.”  I scrambled to find it, Google takes me to the passage with just the words I remember. Several versions and then I go to pull out my Bible and turn to 2 Corinthians 12:9:

“My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.”

“I have heard others say that God’s grace is sufficient to the day. I don’t remember that part about power made perfect in weakness. I am not sure that I understand.”

And so I read all of Corinthians 12 as well as the footnotes about it. God spoke that to Paul. God gave Paul visions, but doesn’t want Paul to reveal them or be prideful about them. So, he also gave Paul a “thorn in his flesh,” either a physical or mental issue that he had to live with.

“Lord, I’ve got the weakness part down, but I am no Paul. I think I hear you. You will help me get through each day with this anxiety disorder. Are you telling me some days won’t be fun? But you’ll give me enough to get through each one?”

Silence.

“I see, you want me to find the answer within. I don’t suppose we can bargain about this anxiety?  Or, perhaps you can explain the where, or when, or how, of the ‘power made perfect’ part?”

Silence.

“Okay, God, just give me enough for today.”

“I have.”