Hope in Christ

“If we have hope in Christ for this life only, we are of all men the most to be pitied.”

1 Corinthians 15:19.

What if we have hope in Christ for the next life only? What if we have decided on some level that it’s too late for us in this life? That our dreams are unattainable? That each day will be similar to the previous, until it one day ends?

For this Thursday after Ash Wednesday I started the morning reading Pope Francis Missio and listening to Matthew Kelly’s Lenten message for the day.

The Pope’s message spoke of prayer permeating our lives and followed with Psalm 1 about hope in the Lord.

Matthew Kelly spoke about feeding the soul and understanding what it hungers for.  I read Matthew Kelly’s book I heard God Laugh after Christmas. His Lenten videos follow the book, but I find myself hearing them differently. Thinking about it, I believe that reading Pope Francis’ Missio before watching Matthew Kelly’s video juxtaposes the two messages in a way that I hear more.

Both spoke of prayer, Pope Francis paired that with hope in Christ. Matthew Kelly talked about the soul’s hunger. And, he talked about feeding the soul hope rather than living in the hopelessness of our past.

That’s what triggered me to think about 1 Corinthians 15:19 today. At a very low point of my life, I rejected God. My best friend had killed herself and I was told that damned her to hell. I knew her reasons, I had tried to get her help, but my words were ignored or discredited. So, at 15 I decided that I didn’t believe in God. 

I decided that I believed in living like a believer, as a good person, but without belief. It was a way that I could deal with contradictions and distrust. 

Over the course of several years, I eventually found my way back to God and more recently, back to Catholicism.

This morning, these readings led me to ask myself whether I have flipped 1 Corinthians 15:19 to its opposite.  Do I in some ways feel that the only meaningful life for me is after death?

Waking up to what faith means to me as a disabled, retired person, am I subconsciously writing off the rest of my time on earth?

I don’t think I would be writing this blog or thinking about how I might serve others, if that were totally true. But, I definitely have areas where I feel it’s “too late” or I am “too damaged/flawed” to hope for certain things.

And now, I think I need to pray for discernment and clarity about how much I may be holding myself back. And how much more I need to trust God.