Pushing Language Around

Am I pushing language around for my preconceived truth?

What’s your thesis?

How do I know before I research? I don’t have a thesis. I have a hypothesis. An uncertain hypothesis.

All hypotheses are uncertain by definition.

When do they become certain? Do they?

If I start with a thesis, will I only find it’s truth?

If I start with an hypothesis even, how many pathways do I ignore?

Does a mindless start on a topic allow a free flow? Or, is it just an illusion? I bring my soul, my history, to everything.

Do I even know why I like Leonard Cohen’s Anthem better than his Hallelujah? Or, is it simply liking differently, based on when I needed each? I know they both influence me.

And I can listen, cry with PJ Harvey’s In the Dark Places now, but not when war waged within me. Then, I needed Red Rubber Ball to remind me ‘it’s gonna be alright.’  I bring these with me, too.

And why does this nonmusical person think of lyrics rather than prose or poetry when wondering about pushing language around in writing? Is it because songs often get a bad rap for forced lyrics? 

If I bring so much with me, can I ever write freely? 

What if it’s not a conscious pushing, but a pushing back? A compulsion to resist what wants to be said? Sometimes, my soul knows a truth my mind refuses to see.